Losing You

by Sheye Blaze

Pain invades my nearly every thought
As most of my thoughts are of you
I cry in the middle of the day
trying to hide the tears while I am working

I cry in the evening while playing with the kids
I cry harder when my little one asks me where you are
She doesn't seem to understand why you're not with me
I cry while I'm riding the bus home and to work
I cry myself to sleep at night

Remembering how you touched me --
The places in my heart and soul that I did not know existed
The places that physically I did not know existed
You are not the phase or toy that others have thought

You are my love, my darling, my dearest, my home

I have learned so much from you and with you
You have changed me profoundly
There is so much more there that I could learn
So much more that I want to learn and become

I am not the same person with you that I have been with others
I wish that I could find out who I would have become
I am not perfect but I can strive
And I regret some of the things that I have done
I would do anything to undo them
Do much more to change the future

I did not find the time to tell you that some things had changed
I did not realize it, yet, myself
I wish that I could make you see, all these things in my heart
Open up my very thoughts so you could know that this is true
I wish that I could convince you that I am worthy of your love,
but alas, you have decided that I am not

I want to lie and say that I need you,
that I can not live without you
But this is never true for anyone
It was not true for me with him
It has not been true for me with anyone
I want you
I want to be with you
I want you to love me
I want to help you be happy

I can only hope that there might be some way to either
make myself worthy or prove myself worthy of you.
Even though I know that I am hoping against hope
And dreaming dreams that will never come true.