Polyamory
03/04/02 12:43am:
When they leave us or we leave them, there seems to always be that last unfinished thing, that slender thread of retrieval that only snaps when they find someone else. It also snaps when we find someone else, but we hardly notice it, because we're busy reweaving something new.
It's a terrible thing to see that silvery thread, snapped at the far distant point, come curling back to us. In some senses, we've lowered ourselves into a well and that one last rope is slithering down, cut from above, coiling at our feet.
Damn it. It's not the final cut that kills us, I think, it's the realizing that I had the rope up there in the first place. We didn't even KNOW we had hope and now, the hope that we tried desperately to not depend on has suddenly evaporated.
It is at this exact moment that we feel truly alone.
It is also at this exact moment that we are at our greatest power, when we have a unique opportunity to open our eyes, to REALLY open our eyes and see -- not that there are handholds and safety ropes out of the well -- but that there never has been a well at all. We have a unique opportunity -- only comes once every hour or so -- to realize that we're this brain-shattering blast of light that's always been alone because nothing out there can stand to get too close lest it burn. At times, we realize, we dim our own lights to allow another to come close, and often -- too often, it seems -- we come to accept that the dimming is a natural phenomenon, a thing that we are obligated to do. But it's not and when we think we're seeing our final last bit of hope falling to out feet, or dissolving in our very hands, this is the time for us to realize that there is no more purpose behind dimming our corona.
The thing we do that brings us back is to kick that corona on. We manifest uniquely in this Universe, we burn uniquely in Life and the only thing that we are solely obligated to to and solely responsible to be is ourselves and with all the power and glory our Will can supply.
There are lessons, to be sure -- no one encounters another person or thing in this Universe without a lesson being a part of the experience -- but the lesson can be digested at your leisure, over a span of a lifetime.
Right now, at this exact moment, heed the message behind that fluttering thread of gone-hope, heed the call to be yourself once more and to burn with your brilliance and music and power.
I will not tell you -- nor should you tell yourself -- that you'll eventually meet others who AREN'T blinded by your brilliance and for whom you DON'T have to trim your brightness just-for-now. Why bother worrying about that. Besides, when your manifestation is a proper reflection of you, those who so desire will come to you, will know how to be close without asking you to dim the very thing that drew them in the first place, nor without dimming themselves.
When that happens, if that happens, or even if that never happens, it will make your corner of the Universe a brighter place and that seems to me to be such a better goal than collecting Pez dispensers.
Of course, the damn monkey could be totally wrong, Edward