Polyamory
Background info.: My husband and I celebrated 11 years as a monogamous couple 2 Septembers ago. After that, things in our life made a drastic change. We own a small business and at that time, we were shoulder deep in work and were being swallowed with time and money constraints. With the business, my husband has to travel with our road crews and at that point, he was home for 2 to 3 days and gone again -- sometimes driving many hours from one job site to another and not getting to come home. We were renting a home in hopes of starting to build a new home in the spring and I knew he wasn't very happy at the current situation b/c of the stress, money worries, etc. We made the common mistakes that all relationships encounter, and we didn't communicate enough and withdrew from each other, our lives in general! I was unhappy with myself at the time and didn't know how to change and that was just the start of our worries with the business.
He had been working about 3 hours away and was there quite frequently and I knew that SOMETHING was happening. First of all, my husband and I have a unique and wonderful relationship. We are so much a part of each other in a very powerful way. We have always worked out our differences and would not be the people we've become without each other. There's an understanding between us that I just haven't found in many couples (friends) that we associate with. Now having said that, we enter our next phase. --- We began to communicate slowly in December that year and all was positive and made me feel even closer to him but I still couldn't just say the words, "Have you found someone else?". I felt that he would tell me and I have always completely trusted him because he deserved that. (and it was reciprocated!) In January, he started telling me about HER. His first words were, "I have met someone very special and I want you to meet her." My response to this was, "What have you done? What have you done to us?" At this point, they had remained just friends and were talking a lot. She had just lost her mom and was needing him more and more to get through that time in her life. We were at the height of our business problems and the stress was poured on thick. It was through Chad and I's communications that their relationship continued.
I guess I was shocked, but not. Hurt, but able to deal with it only because he had been "honest" with me (finally, b/c I could sense it) and our talks were deepening and we were both finding a level of confidence and satisfaction that neither of us (especially me) had come to yet in our lives. I opened my eyes and gave my man whom I trusted above no other my approval (so to speak) to continue on knowing that it may all backfire on me but taking the risk because if Chad trusted her and thought she was special, then I could understand that. I felt in my heart that there was probably more and at that point, I wasn't ready to deal with all of THAT, yet, and I chose to let it go.
She (Tina) and I began conversing in February and I instantly agreed that she and I could become fast friends. For the first time in my life, I felt at ease when we talked and understood how she could be a release for Chad. She was a release for me. We finally met at the end of February and I got to see first hand the kind of life she was living and it wasn't good. I guess Chad and I both wanted to show her that life could be so much different. And, it brought us closer. That's odd but it did. We just praised each other and our love and relationship and things we had taken for granted. After that weekend, things began "heating up" so to speak. She and Chad were constantly talking and he wasn't going South so much b/c the job was almost completed, but he was still required to go there. I started to inquire more about their relationship and he still denied anything sexual but after seeing them together for that one weekend I knew that he was lieing but I also knew that in time, we would deal with that together. Our relationship had taken such a turn (for the good) that I knew Tina was a portion of the key to that. It wasn't all her b/c I believe that Chad and I could make our way through anything. But again, I opened my eyes and realized that she was good for us! Not just him.
In March we decided to get together again and the night ended very sour with Tina crying and drunk and confessing her love for Chad. I consoled her and told her that I knew and she just couldn't believe that I could understand. I said that I loved him too and that he was a powerful man in a good way and I could easily understand that they could have a relationship knowing how quickly we had bonded. This threw Chad and I into many more deep disussions and we came face to face with the whole truth and the reality of it and his guilt and my hurt. To this day we are still communicating through that. People inquire to me all time, "How could you let him do that?". My answer is that I didn't let him but rather opened my mind to a new possibility that brought about good in our life. One thing that didn't change was our commitment to each other and our bond. At every point in our life, it has been both of our backbones. We both made a decision to keep Tina in our lives and began talking about her moving to our area and possibly living together. As things worked themselves out, as they seem to for us, she left her "bad situation" (that's mild) and we all moved in together in July. Through tears, laughter, rain, snow and shine, we have all evolved and are living again. Hurah!! I feel empowered!!
From my stand point, I could have easily walked away or even worse, made my own life and his a living nightmare. I think about that now and know that I made the right decision. I feel intuitive enough to follow my heart or my gut. Not that it's been easy!!! I don't mean to imply that at all, but I feel that an opportunity arose for me to find myself and my way in this life and I chose the rocky path, but it has its advantages :-)! The funny part is I didn't even know what to call it or know what to make of some of my feelings until Tina moved up here and we starting talking to make our triad work! I hopped on a website to find out more about polygamy and kept finding this word "polyamory". I started reading about it and I was so stoked! Words that I had said, feelings that I had felt and there they were in common ordinary (I say that lightly , ha!) folk.! I now cannot imagine living outside a poly lifestyle. I feel it's us. This list is massive but I am enjoying and learning through all the postings. I hope you find this interesting and would enjoy your feedback. This is long enough, but there is always more to the story!!!
Michelle